How to Be a Man 101


Normally I'm not in the business of telling men how to be men, but as I'm sitting here next to my grandma of 81 years of age, and realizing she's tougher than 90% of our male population (for better or worse). So it's time for a post about what constitutes manhood. I'm going to switch up the style and cover how to be a man in different areas of life.

Before I start, there should be a little voice in your head that knows what's right. He says "this is something a beta bitch would do, this is needy, this is pathetic." Sometimes we don't listen to him. That's when we pay. When we do listen to him, these are the tips he usually comes up with.


If you need a girlfriend or a girl in your life to feel you're worthwhile, you have mommy issues. Be independent, be a man. Pook said, quoting anti-dump,

"You should be free as a bird, flapping around, singing, full of joy with life. Women want to ****** the bird and throw it in a cage (cage = committment). When birds try to fly into the cage, wouldn't you think something is wrong with that bird? After all, who wants a bird that WANTS to be in the cage? No, women want the birds that are FREE, WILD, and BEAUTIFUL. They want A GOOD CATCH. Good Catches do not fly into cages. Only wounded or needy birds do."

So if you feel the need to fly into a cage the odds are you've got some shit to work on. Keep in mind that the natural drive to have sex is completely masculine and fine. But you need to realize that the things you do are a sacrifice. If you sacrifice time and energy into something (someone) you need to realize it's time you won't get for other things. So what are the rewards? Do they treat you how you deserve to be treated? Are they worth a huge investment? Or would you just be lonely otherwise?


Most guys think this isn't important. Wear what you think genuinely looks good. Wear what your "tribe" wears. If you don't know much about it, keep it simple. Listen to Tanner Guzy's talk at the 21 convention, are you typically manly, refined (dressed up), or rebellious in your ware? Most importantly, don't ask women you're intimate with if what you're wearing is okay. Don't ask her to choose your outfit. Don't care what girls think about what you're wearing. It is the attitude that makes the man. If you like what you're wearing, other people will step into that. Sure, you may get a shit test or two but that's a good thing, it's just a confidence test. I cringe when I watch someone ask their wife or girlfriend to pick out their outfit or if a shirt is okay. Women don't know what they want. It doesn't matter as long as it's constant with your attitude. I'll take a recommendation but at the end of the day I wear what I want.

Social life

Do you leech onto your friends like their your mommy? Do their constitute your identity? The real test of a man is how he can be with himself. I have a bunch of friends that do their own things. It makes for a more interesting conversation. I don't know how else it would be. Don't be a wimp or a pushover. Don't automatically do shit just because people ask. Don't be super agreeable, be authentic, it's good practice.

Friends are great, but if you're a valuable person people will want to be around you. You need not be dependent on anyone though, and sometimes if it's not a girlfriend it's friends that men latch onto. It's a bad idea.

Social media

Phones are cancer. There is a constant pull to the dopamine hit that is a "notification". All social media is a female validation center (except twitter probably). I used to have Instagram deleted but it's good social proof. I'm not really sure what to do about the whole phone and social media problem. My advice would be leave your phone at home as much as possible and let someone know who you're going to be with, that way you just forget about it. Try to limit your time on it as much as possible. Either turn all your notifications off and check your stuff a few times a day, or turn all your notification on and only check when you get a notification (assuming your phone isn't blowing up all day). Don't be beholden to a device that is supposed to improve your life.

Update: Believe it or not, getting an Apple Watch and deleting social media apps brought my screen time down by 50%

Hitting on girls

This is a different category than romance for me, because like I said a man is going to want to have sex. Also, a man is going to want to talk with pretty or feminine girls and get the nice breathe of fresh air that is femininity.

Just know that it is a nice supplement to your life. Only deal with girls who really like you. Don't chase. Don't over focus on it. Know that how many women you've been with at any point in your life does not define you as a man. There is nothing worse than a man who is way too thirsty for it and automatically puts women on a pedestal like a crown to be grabbed. Don't be afraid to walk away. Know that every girl isn't going to like you, and that's a good thing. Let them go, there is abundance out there. Be okay with yourself as it is, and "go your own way", not in a bitter MGTOW "I'm never going to talk to a woman again" way, but in a way that you recognize that you are absolutely the prize because you fulfill yourself from within.

Default to action, go say hi good looking girls. They're aren't gods they're just people and you can have a conversation with whoever you want. When you start to default to action, you learn and things happen for you.


Do stuff that gets your testosterone up. Making your muscles bigger is a nice thing to do as well. Do something competitive that involves your body. Don't be a pussy about any of it. Default to action like anything else, 1 2 3 go to the gym. I have an whole post about rules for the gym so I won't get into that.

Like the ancient greeks thought, you have to strengthen your body and strengthen your mind. Your mind comes from self improvement and mindset (as well as whatever math, philosophy, and hard reading you want to do (which are not inherently masculine activities)), you strengthen your body by actually strengthening your body, and then using it like the active creature you are. Default to action here as well, I had an uneventful day where I already lifted, so I'm trying a new BJJ gym. People wonder why they aren't more actualized, when they only use half of their being. This also puts you in a position to work on mental fortitude, long term goals, and be around masculine men.

Free time

Everyone has free time. This is why Netflix is so popular. Some people burn it on video games, binging TV series, checking their same social media 25 times. Then there are people who turn to their creative side. They enjoy their free time to do cool shit. I like to write, my dad likes to work on his business, I work on occasional projects (no matter what they may be), some of my friends work on their instruments, some people write poetry or draw.

Basically don't burn time up. /u/Heathcliff on The Red Pill subreddit makes the distinction between recovery time and dead time. If you work a 10 hour day and then eat, watch a couple shows, and go to bed, that's recovery time. If you wake up, smoke weed, binge a series, and play video games all day, that's dead time. That's time you murdered with in action and you'll never get back (default to action (we're active beings)). Be like a restless little kid. I can’t sit around for an hour before I’m bored, then I start writing or being productive. You got to constantly do stuff unless you’re dead tired. So work on business ideas that'll never pan out, it's good practice. Try to write a song or learn to play one, it's good for your brain. Read hard stuff just to try and understand. Learn to create and turn dead time to creative time (because we all are bored sometimes).


Be stoic. Look up stoic philosophy. Observe your thoughts, actions, and feelings. Non-judgmentally be like "that was weird, why did I do that?" and then don't do it again. Say "wow I'm feeling super weird (or whatever it is: bored, angry, lonely, desperate, resentful) right now", and sit with it. Say "hey those super negative thoughts don't really help me out" and change them. Adopt abundance mentality. Start risk taking. Realize that we only live once so you have to get busy living or get busy dying. If you are able to try things, you've put yourself above 90% of the population paralyzed by fear. It's okay to fail.

Wrap up

A lot of main themes here are as follows

  • Do shit

  • Don't not do shit

  • Don't do stuff everyone else does

  • Be independent

  • Don't feel the need the rely on anyone

  • Realize that you are the fucking best and worth everything you want, but you are the only one that can give it to you (okay, maybe I didn't say that)

  • Don't fly into the bird cage

  • Listen to the alpha inside you waiting to get out

  • Observe your thoughts, feelings, and actions and sort that shit out